By Dimi Crossley
As a matchmaker and dating coach, many of my female clients always ask why is it that some girls always seem get the guy? They may not be as attractive, charismatic or successful as my clients, but guys just seem to gravitate towards them. While I can write a whole book on the topic, today I’d like to share with you the top 4 attraction triggers for men that have proven to work time and again. You don’t have to look like a supermodel to get a guy’s attention – all you need to know is what buttons to push….
1. Provoke his ‘provide and protect’ instinct
Strip away the smart suits and fancy gadgets, men are cavemen at heart. And cavemen provide for their women. That’s why the damsel in distress always gets the guy. While we know that women in this day and age are independent and do not need men to help get them out of a pickle, playing the damsel in distress will pander to every man’s secret desire to be the valiant prince charming swooping in to help a lady in need.
A great example of something to say to break the ice with the hottie at the bar:
“I could really use your help… there’s no way I’m able to carry all these drinks to my friends at the table over there. Would you mind helping me with this?”
No guy is ever going to say no. They love to feel needed, and provoking a man’s ‘provide and protect’ instinct will certainly get his attention. Once he helps you with those drinks, he’ll be right where you wanted him – at the table with your friends! You can then introduce yourself and start making small talk.
2. Give him rejection protection
You’ve got his attention, now you need to let him know that you’re not going to reject him if he asks you out. Men can appear brash and arrogant, but all men have insecurities. Because male acceptance is heavily built on being attractive to women, that is why rejection for a man is so painful – being shot down by a woman can totally destroy his masculinity.
So, in order to create a safe environment for him to ask you out, you need to show him you’re interested enough, but still make him feel like he’s doing the chasing. You can do so by dropping subtle hints:
“So you like Spanish food! I know of this restaurant that does amazing tapas that I know you’d love!”
He is going to pick up the hint and ask you out – all the while thinking it’s his idea and giving himself a mental high-five!
3. Challenge him to the chase
Yes, yes – we all hate playing games…but a certain level of game playing is essential to keep them keen. Men live for the ‘maybe’. If he knows he’s got you in the bag, he’s not going to try very hard. You need to be proactive to make him want to chase, but remain challenging enough to make him work for it.
You’ve been for a date, text him to know you’ve had a great time. Maybe even include a cheeky-faced emoticon. But leave it as that. When he asks you out for a second date, rather than accepting it eagerly, try:
“I wish I could, but I’ve already planned a dinner with my girlfriends that night. I’d love to see you again – can we take a rain check?”
Obviously don’t lie about it – if you don’t have plans, then I suggest you make some plans right away! This gives the guy a glimpse into what life would be like when you do become an item – you have your own social circle and you’re not going to want to spend every waking minute with him. Girls who are too clingy can be a hugely off-putting.
“If somebody never gets enough of you, they will always want more”
― Ashly Lorenzana
4. Speak his language
No, it doesn’t mean you have to be a multi-linguist if you’re inclined to date men with different mother tongues. Couples who play together stay together. I don’t buy that opposites attract. That may be true in the beginning when everything is shiny and new and exciting, but I can’t see how a relationship can be enriching or sustainable if two people are indeed the polar opposites of each other – everything will have to be a compromise.
While it would be a miracle if you find a guy who is into exactly the same things as you (let’s face it, I don’t know many men who are into Manolo Blahniks!), a guy would definitely start thinking of you as a long-term fixture rather than a short-term fling if he can see you getting along with his mates and ultimately fitting into his life.
If your man is into his wines, read up a bit on your reds, whites and bubbly, so you can ask him smart questions the next time you’re out dining. Any man would love an opportunity to talk about an area he is knowledgeable in.
If your man is into his rugby, do a bit of research to find out what teams are playing next and make a point to offer to watch the game with him and his mates. Make a point to read up on the rules so you don’t appear clueless. If his mates see you as someone they can hang out with and not a girlfriend who feels threatened whenever your man hangs out with the guys, then you have their approval – and this goes a long way.
So there you have it, how to attract a guy in 4 simple steps – from a stranger at the bar to possibly your last first date ever! As I do with my clients, I am always happy to be on hand to help analyse conversations and texts. Write me if you’re in quandary about how to get the attention of a special someone!